you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
