what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
