I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
