Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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