awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
