I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
