TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do vagina's smell?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
