I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
