bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
