He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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