dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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