This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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