i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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