So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Everyone says I win the strip club
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
