Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
