dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
