we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
