Rock
Scissors
Fuck
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
