He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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