you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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