Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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