Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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