my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
