Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
