This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
