Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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