No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
