I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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