i can't believe i had my finger in that
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
