I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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