Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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