I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
