I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
