I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
