Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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