It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
