from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
