4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
