idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
