Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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