who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
