how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
