So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
