I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
