I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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