I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
