how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
