I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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