Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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