So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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