they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
