tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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