We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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