some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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