so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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