I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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